I’ve got these fancy headphones my dad handed down (to Ed, he thought, but they never got that far) and they block out the world. They almost give me a headache, so great is their commitment to one set of sounds, that is, the noise from the Ipod. I wear them to fold laundry or to knit in bed except that after a while, I grow nervous. What could be happening in the house that I would not hear? Murderers could enter wearing tap shoes, gazelles could drop in for coffee, Random House could be banging on the door, demanding that they publish my as-yet-unwritten novels, my children could be whining for a glass of water Mummy, the neighbors could be doing the nasty with bells tied to their heads and I’d only hear Neil Gaiman’s lovely voice as he reads Neverwhere to me. (Yes, to me and me alone, such is the power of these headphones and my love for Neil Gaiman.) It’s both strange and unsettling. We locate ourselves in the world through sound. The heat coming up (or more likely, going off). Ed’s footsteps as he makes tea. The dryer humming. The children breathing. These are the sounds that let me know where and who I am.How our senses locate us in space, in the world, in our lives is increasingly interesting to me — not least because we’ve discovered that Daniel can’t locate where in space sound comes from, which accounts for much of his anxiety. (I’ll let you know more about that as we learn more.) What it has meant for me is that I am suddenly grateful every time I turn my head towards a sound, confident that I know I’m looking the right way. Grateful for the sounds around me.
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19 February 2008 at 12:02 am
Frogdancer
Poor Daniel! That must drive him nuts. He’d be constantly looking in forty different directions at once.
Glad to see you back. And not just a mum. You’re right. We’re a lot more than that, important as ‘that’ is. It’s so nice to explore every other interesting thing that we are. (And just on a side note… I finished knitting my first sock. If only they didn’t tend to come in pairs….)
19 February 2008 at 7:23 am
~JJ!
Love the new place…Enjoy it. I can’t wait to hear all about you moving forward!
You are brave to try that. I am proud of you.
(I would wear my iPod around the house too, But I am also afraid of the tap dancing murderers….)
19 February 2008 at 8:33 am
The Purloined Letter
Welcome back! I love your new identity.
I hear only out of one ear and therefore cannot locate sounds. I was 25 when I lost hearing in one ear and it seemed like a big deal–but I have several friends who grew up with hearing in one ear who talk about it as this all-pervasive but almost invisible issue in their lives that shaped who they are. There can be other explanations–but definitely check his hearing.
19 February 2008 at 1:25 pm
sarah
Wow, a new space. I am looking forward to watching as the other sides of you emerge. Whatever they are I enjoy your writing and your take on the world.
19 February 2008 at 1:50 pm
nyjlm
anxious children hold such a special place in my heart. And so do the parents who notice the anxiety, and work to help their children learn to, mmm, not so much live with it, but live despite it? to live boldly, to take scary leaps.
I didn’t learn it so much from my parents, but through trial and error…still learning to un-do some of the things I’ve done in order to manage living with anxiety.
20 February 2008 at 12:15 am
Stomper Girl
The new place is great. But do keep an ear out for tap-dancing murderers, they are particularly nasty.